When saving life is selfish

I was in a discussion today with my colleague today. His friend whose father is 66 and suffered a stroke. His life is 50-50. If he manages to recover, his chances of achieving functional (not normal) life would be nearer to 20% or less. In all likelihood he may be a living vegetable, dependent on the care of others. A mindless body.....or maybe even worse yet, a functional mind with a useless body.

Now that's scary.....

I don't fear death, as I believe it is a just one part or one end of a cycle. Sooner or later we have to move on and make way for the new to take over. And I embrace with a life that has little or no regrets that if I were to go tomorrow, I'd have done what I can up until that very moment to not look back and wonder about the what if's.

But worse than death is being part of a lifeless existence.

I imagine myself, if i were to be in the above mentioned situation. If I were to be dependent for existence.....not dependent for living.
-I crap whenever and wherever and people have to clean after me.
-I can't eat or feed so i have a tube that people have to refill.
-I can't turn around in bed so someone has to turn me every 4 hours so that I don't get a sore for sleeping in the same position.
-People talk to me and comfort me, and I can't even wink an acknowledgment back to comfort them.

I imagine the pain my caregivers have to endure to see my continuous existence in front of them. Giving them the false hope that I shall one day speak and be bubbly again. Seeing the tears welled in their eyes as they see the hopelessness of their effort through my hopeless eyes.

There's not an ounce of dignity left in me.

My continuous existence not only is a waste to my life, but the life of my caregivers. They will also lose their right to live and reduce them to an existence of tending to another lifeless existence.

For some reason these chain of thoughts affected me.

Hence I have decided that shall I ever be in a comatose state, or have poor medical recovery after 3 weeks of medical care (which I think with all the hyped up mumbo jumbo, 3 weeks is long enough) I shall in my will demand that all active intervention be witheld. Mind you this is not an act of euthanasia, which is a medical assisted suicide. I will give medical advancement a fair share of 3 weeks to come up with a solution, after which I think there's nothing worthwhile doing anymore and shall withold all active management.

Then it is a matter of leaving to a higher power that we see in God to determine if I may be able to sustain life on my own. Failure which then all viable organs will be harvested and life be given to other existence who stand a better chance. Why should I hold on to every part of my body if it will only serve as excess baggage to my family?

Yet this decision, not one that is easily accepted in Asian society. The body is deemed sacred and should not be mutilated before death. The general thought of a family allowing a member to withold treatment and go down without further fight is also a bitter pill to swallow. The resentment of the living towards the near dying person who wishes to prematurely end his existence to make up for the loss of life.

I will bear the resentment. I shall to my end remain selfish.

I shall still try to save a life.