Anger

Capt America: "Doctor Banner, I think now might be a good time for you to get angry"

Bruce Banner: "That's my secret Capt, I'm always angry"

Oh how I love that line that almost immediately he turns himself wilfully into the green indestructible angry monster.

I have the temper that is sizeable to Dr Bruce Banner and it's something that has been inherent since my schooling days. A mixture of impatience and just plain old grumpiness has sharpened my anger traits that at one time in life was a signature to my character and people would abhor and avoid me like a madman running amok.

Martial arts probably helped a little by giving me an avenue to release it and legally hitting anyone without remorse or immediate repercussion. Except that I also learnt that there are many more people who are angrier than me. Fortunately in that time I had 2 very different instructors/mentors. One would be an all out aggressor that encourages the anger become violence. While another teaches the zen of martial arts as a form of self defence and avoid violence as the first rule. Run away fast as second rule. And only go and break a few bones as a third and final rule.

It's human nature that we can't remember very well. So 3 rules is good enough. Anything more we are not bothered. That's why there are only top 3 finishers....top 3 songs...top 3 reasons etc. Motivational speakers seem to think people have their ability to remember beyond 3. 5-S, 6 sigma, 7 habits of highly effective people.....most people find it hard to even remember the first 3 things they ate in the morning......

Digressing....as always.....

Over the years I have developed quite a reputation for being calm and level headed. Come what may. Don't panic and don't over act. Stay calm and make sensible decisions. That's me. Or at least that's how I allow people to perceive.

It is said that loose lips sink ships and I have sunken my share of ships including capsizing my own. These days, verbally swearing is a difficult task to even execute.

But that doesn't deny the fact that I'm always angry. I still am. I keep my green guy at bay. Resting him. Suppressing him.

Waiting for the time when that raw anger can be converted to more user friendly energy. Whatever it may be. A marathon, staying up, working overtime, going that extra mile....

We all have a choice.

Even though there are days when everything seems to bring you towards the direction of punching someone in the nose and having the satisfaction of seeing it crooked from the sheer force of the punch and revelling in the beauty of such anger..... we still have a choice to control it.

Emergency? Really??

Stuck in a jam or crawling slowly through rush hour traffic I have over the years accepted the fact that if I want to live in the city or it vicinity and enjoy the luxury of a daily commute with an overpriced car (not because it is expensive per se, but the taxes for cars are exorbitantly high), traffic jams are going to be part and parcel of it. If I want to dream of a traffic jam life, I have to either work on a Sunday only or shift base out into the country side or suburbs and work there or from home.

But being stuck in a jam is not all that bad. For one, its a total alone "me" time where you can hear your thoughts louder than usual and if one can separate the stress of driving away, then it is actually a good time for reflection and planning. Heck, people came up with apps to bring about motivational talks to the smartphones for the drive home and what better time to listen to one of it than being stuck in the car with nothing else potentially productive to do.

Oh yes, there will always be some hero who would be able to play Candy Crush while being stuck in a jam. For the life of me I have no idea how can that be done. Gone are the days of don't talk and drive....these days people text and drive (yes I am guilty of it), but Candy Crush and drive? That's taking it to a whole new level......or maybe I'm just an outdated fart...

Anyway let me talk about the paradox of the emergency lane.

Seriously. How often do we have an emergency and a need for that lane? I mean truly ask ourselves, what are the odd of our car breaking down regularly, or suffering a punctured tyre, or maybe having a passenger who is in the midst of labour...?

The answer.....

Everyday there's a whole bunch of drivers who have emergencies. And amongst the biggest emergency? Traffic jams.

Yes traffic jam these days should be re-classified as an emergency and the driving schools should incorporate that into the curriculum. Every time during rush hour and non rush hour and especially festivities, as long there is a traffic jam....there is always someone who needs to use the emergency lane. Because it is a God forsaken curse to be stuck in a traffic jam that necessitates so many drivers to use it.

Forget that it complicates other non-emergency users or real emergency road users......them traffic jam haters get first dibs to use the special lane created for them so that they can use the hazard lights which are anyway hardly used in a car also and it helps to tune and check its function. Also the left side indicator is less used and must be primed because unlike what the driving schools have been teaching, overtaking on the left most lane is more fun and less challenging and dangerous. Besides a special lane was created called the "Emergency Overtaking Lane"

Well in a way I guess these drivers were "considerate" enough to take their emergencies to a specific lane....

Show of hands for people who get annoyed with drivers who creep up behind you on the right most lane of a highway and they further signal to the right while flashing you and you are already driving at the limits of the speed limit (well usually over anyway)....I would of course love to see them cross over the highway and overtake me on the opposing lane.....would have been a reason to stop and watch them at least....

Thank goodness for TedTalk and good ol jazz music in the car......

Do not attempt to overtake a real emergency lane user....

So What....

I have been listening back to quite alot of Miles Davis lately.....probably one of the best jazz musicians to have graced the musical world.

One particular track always tickles me and its titled "So What"

When one listens to it.....you can't help yourself but identify with the tune and you will slot in the words "So What" into the music as it progresses. The tune has a very nice swing to it and is filled with a carefree attitude that is translated from a 4 piece band into a vocal-less masterpiece.

On a different note (no pun intended)....

Not too long ago I was in a discussion with a friend who spoke about the state of the country. And I was asked if I would consider migrating to which I asked why should I consider such an option (unless the obvious which is someone offering me a very good career opportunity). Well, the reply was nothing close to my materialistic ambitions but it was more on a matter of security and political turmoil. He said the country is spiralling out of control and that he no longer feels safe physically and economically. He feels threatened more so after starting a family and that his kids may not be able to enjoy a good future with the kind of bleak future the political arena is painting.

Out of the blue.....good old Miles was playing in my head "So What........So What....."

Not that I was trying to block my friend's voice out of the conversation, but really in my head I was asking so what.....

If crime rate was a reason why people will want to move away then populous cities such as New York, London, Chicago, Jakarta...etc....would have a great depletion of population as opposed to bursting in its seams to accommodate more immigrants and wannabe city dwellers. (well unless of course they were all criminals too looking for a bigger slice of pie in the city, which sometimes they can be disappointed that there are more leftover food in a great city than tasty pies).

Lowered standards of education he says......"so what" my head plays......

It was kind of ironic because both him and me are a product of total local education, from primary education all the way to college / university. While the mainstream standards may fluctuate, as in the case of the United States where despite a high number of schooling opportunities are provided, the rate of illiteracy is climbing, I still believe the best and most important influencing factor that helps determine a child's education is still the parent factor. Like it or not, but more engaged parents who take an interest in their child's development and education progress would inadvertently have a positive impact (like DUH!!)

Point is....having a "poor" education system as feared by my friend does not define the final outcome of a person. Having a "better" education system as expected by my friend who is looking to migrate may help but also is not the final determinant that it would be more beneficial to a child. So what......if there are good schools with good facilities and good teachers......but the kid is either not interested in school coz no one else seems interested.....or the kid excels but does not apply the knowledge later.....

So what......

Gosh the song is in my head again.....this is what happens when I suffer from writer's block and come back rambling......so what!!!

signing off with Miles Davis brainwashing you guys..... cheers

Public Face

Hiding behind a public face
Laughing and crying without a trace
A smile carved out to meet expectations
A smile returned leaves no satisfaction

A fascade that’s kept for ever so long
Confuses the world from the right and wrong
The lies are shown as a light of truth
And truth denied its form and worth

So towards the bright lit sun we bravely face
Cast smiles of calmness even if its bitterness we taste
For the world will only see what it wants to see
Shroud the untold truth behind a veil of mystery

political daNcing: When the eNd comes to the "dacing"

There is no perfect politician or political party. The ideals of one may not be subscribed well just as how the food of one man can be the poison of another and vice versa. Just watch House of Cards by Netflix and the intricacies of politics can be summed up in 10 episodes). My disclaimer is that I am not here to support any particular political party.

In recent weeks the run up to the 13th General Election for Malaysia has been somewhat of a circus if not a fracas. Being described as one of the "dirtiest" election witnessed, one can't help but to concur with such a statement as the amount of sexual allegations and alleged exploits surface with wide circulation and distribution of video clips and even in hardcopy CD/DVD formats being available. I can't help but wonder is this an election or a bad attempt of an erection that the political figures are heading towards.

The amount of of campaigning and future promises being made if politicians are erected or re-erected fill the air with public speeches and being posted on every available erected structure such as telephone poles, electricle poles, dancing poles, trees, etc. I use to think loan sharks and sleazy volcano massage posters were bad but the general erection posters top the icing of the cake. (Funny that all the Ah Long "loansharks" have gone dark with their posters that usually sprout and grow like wild mushrooms over the same structures).

Political dancing reminds me of 2 scenes.

1. Western films whereby the cowboy toys with his opponent by shooting at the feet of his adversary to force him to dance;

2. A monkey with a cup hat being trained to dance for his keep when his caretaker plays the music box.

Both scene seems to play in my head whenever I see how campaign works with mudslinging slanders being thrown at either party. Again reinforcing the whole dirtiest erection statement.

Anyway some disturbing self thoughts.....

1. While I support democracy, it is at the end not a game of wits and wisdom. It is a numbers game. 

2. Democracy is achieved when the majority of votes swing to the top contender, and it is well known that quantity does not always represent quality although in an ideal world it should be an equilibrium of both (but we don't live in an ideal world.....politicians only make us believe there is hope of an ideal world)

3. Statistics from India in March 2011 shows that only 2.77 of their 1.21 billion population pay taxes. (http://www.deccanherald.com/content/187531/only-277-percent-indias-population.html). While the official number is not released in Malaysia (doubt it will ever be officially released), speculations put that number between 1 to 10%.

4. In the UK, the highest earning 1% of Britons pay 30% of all income tax (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2106951/High-earning-1-pay-income-tax.html).

5. And yet in democracy, it means that people who don't pay taxes will have the same voting rights as those who support the bulk of the country's taxation income.

6. Corporations are smart to not let their consumers and workers vote for office bearers, unless they are valid shareholders. Even such a certain quantum would represent the amount of votes a person can carry. Yet it is still democracy as the majority winner (amongst the shareholders) will take office and hold power.

7. So to put in perspective, the General Election stands for a voting system whereby leaders will take office and shape or break the country for the next 5 years, and the voters qualified to cast their choices may well be low or non-contributors to the government income.

(But then again, car owners who pay massive amount of road tax still use the same deplorable congested roads as those who pay pittance for road tax)

VOTE WISELY MALAYSIANS (and newly qualified "Malaysians")

Comet

Be bright, be significant, even if it is just one moment....

I am touched by the people I meet in my lifetime thus far of 32 years (or so). The diversity is unimaginable: from the people whom you see daily that makes that little but important difference  in my life, to those whom we rarely see and take those difference for granted, and there's also people who come and go in a flash of an eye - bright, significant, and they are gone in an instant.

Halley's Comet, is probably the most popular comet known to the general population. It is readily visible to the naked eye as it flashes across the heavens to give us that bright spark. It leaves an impact if we ever catch one. And it occurs once in every 75-76 years. Most people if taken the time and effort to seek it out would see it once in their life, while selected few will be able to experience it twice in their lifetime.

Now I'm not an astronomy buff, but put it in context to the people we meet. How often do we believe the existence of a Halley's Comet within a person? The person whom we thought only exist in the books we read or in the lives of others....Are they really that rare? Or are they just like the comet, that may come by once or twice in our lifetime......the only problem is if we had put in the effort to seek it in the first place....

I was a little over a year when I met my great grandfather, just as how Ezra is a little over a year when he last saw his great grandmother. It probably meant little to us at that time and would still not mean much as we grow without a memory of it to make it significant to us. But perhaps we are the Halley's Comet to the great-grandparents generation. They waited a lifetime to see the 3rd generation after them, and everyone in between would bear witness to that brief encounter where everyone's face was beaming bright on that significant event.

Sometimes we cannot just leave nature to take its course but I feel we as fellow human beings should seek to be a comet to our fellow brothers and sisters of our life. Even if the contact between people is brief, make it bright and make it significant. Just as a comet that we cannot keep because it does not belong to us.... we can live in the memory of that moment and know that we were touched for a lifetime.

*Dedicated to my late grandmother and everyone else who came in contact with my life. Thank you

Character

Recently my friend sent to me this wonderful quote which I am compelled to share:

"Forget the harm that anyone has done to you, and forget the good that you have done to others. If wealth is lost, nothing is lost. If health is lost, something is lost. If character is lost, all is lost"

It amazes me how the above quote is made up of words that are simple. When strung together it echoes a simple message that is simple to comprehend. Yet how often do we truly allow such simplicity to absorb into our life?

Just a little Sunday thought to ponder upon. Many thanks to Sarves for the wonderful quote.